* Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex. - Woody Allen
* I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. - Robert Paul
* A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. He's out there now...trying to win a trip back! - Jerry Dennis
* When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays. - Henry Youngman
* My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. - Ellen Degeneres
* When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. - Emo Philips
* I made a killing in the stock market. My broker lost all my money, so I killed him. - Jim Loy
* I once made love to a female clown, and she twisted my penis into a poodle. - Dan Whitney
* I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my clients to go swimming. - Bogus9394
Thank God Its Friday!!!
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